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Adventure: the pursuit of life — Daniel Roy Wiarda

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The Dating Game

Tuesday, May 17, 2005

One of my girlfriends was talking about a blind date she had last week. I haven't 'dated' anyone in eleven years, and the prospect is both exciting and terrifying. Yes, I'm not even divorced yet, and I'm already thinking about it. I'm just not a person that likes to be alone. It's not that I can't, and I'm having plenty of fun with my friends. All I'm looking for is friendship. After what I've been through, the next poor guy will be run through the paces quite well, and will be tested for worthiness. I'll print up 'Approved by Inspector' stickers... But, how does one 'date'? I mean, I know how to flirt, that's the easy part. But the whole 'progressive relationship', timing, do I really like him or is it just 'chemistry'. It's all very confusing. So, for the benefit of a newly single female and her single friends, what advice do you have?

5/17/2005 09:21:00 AM :: ::
  • As a newly married 39 year old guy I think I can offer some advice.

    First off, you might think about dropping the "All I'm looking for is friendship" philosophy. Guys don't work that way. (Generally speaking) Most of us want to find out if we are physically compatible and then build off of that.

    Next - the 'Approved by Inspector' stuff. Most guys are looking for something more than a job interview. I can speak from experience, job interviews are not a turn on and neither are dates that are job interviews in disguise. Sorry.

    How does one date? Easy, you meat someone and decide to see each other in a social setting. A date. Try to avoid making it complicated if you can. Date for the sake of dating and during the process you will learn about the other person. Then move on if that isn't the right one. Don't worry about breaking hearts, or hurting his feeling. Be honest. If it's not working for you then say so and move on.

    What is the difference between chemistry and really liking that person? From a guys point of view, we only really like the women we have chemistry with. (Generally Speaking)

    In the end it's not confusing at all. Keep it simple and keep it real. No games. Part of dating is accepting the truth that you will meet up with people that aren't right for you. Be honest, trust your feelings, and don't feel guilty about having to move on.

    I hope that helps a little bit.

    Mike M/MI

    By Blogger Michael, at 5/17/2005 11:32:00 AM


  • LOL. See, I haven't put much thought into this.

    Frienship vs. Physically CompatibleSee, why is this? Do you mean 'looks' or do you mean 'more'. Why the heck would a guy think I'm going to give 'more' if I don't know if I even like you?

    Approved by InspectorI don't plan on making it a 'job interview', but there will be things that I'm 'looking for'. And, they will also have to receive approval from my friends. Love, or lust, can be blind, and they will help me to see things I 'overlooked'.

    Date for the sake of dating That I understand, but what are some 'to do's' and 'not to do's'. Give me some tips, pointers, i.e. on the first date do this. By the fourth date you should know this.

    Chemistry vs. Really Like I meant is it just a 'physical' thing vs. do I enjoy being around this person because of these qualities (other than physical).

    No Games Ah, but see. I have no game, so I can't play any. That's why I posted this. What are some signs that the other person is playing a game?

    By Blogger InterstellarLass, at 5/17/2005 01:23:00 PM


  • K, so I read something about this book and how the guy who wrote it shows how non-serious dating is an important part of "the search". I read about it on this 3 part article series (Part 1, Part 2, Part 3). I think it sounds cool! Someone should try it! :-)

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 5/17/2005 02:02:00 PM


  • Sorry that last one was me, I forgot to sign - Jenny

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 5/17/2005 02:03:00 PM


  • Well, you've read some things I've posted, so you know I'm ceratnly not one to be giving dating advice. If it's not simple., I guess I just don't want to bother with it. If I have to work that hard at figuring out (a) if she likes me and (b) how to play 'the game', then I'm okay with letting it pass me by. I've done the other and it didn't work [for me], so when The One comes along I'll know it because it will be easy and just happen.

    By Blogger FTS, at 5/17/2005 09:59:00 PM


  • i like the book If the Buddha Dated

    By Blogger carrie, at 5/17/2005 11:38:00 PM


  • Keep going out and friends of friends are a good way of meeting new people (men!) that have already been checked out by your friends! I know it's a cliche and I expect you know this already. Have fun ;-)

    By Blogger The Wisdom of Wislon, at 5/18/2005 03:12:00 AM


  • PS: any hunks down on the track?? ;-)

    By Blogger The Wisdom of Wislon, at 5/18/2005 03:20:00 AM


  • Do not give away the milk unless they have bought the cow. :)

    By Anonymous Joy, at 5/18/2005 05:24:00 PM


  • Don't do sympathy dates if you can avoid it. No-one wins with them.

    If you like a guy - don't be frightened of making the first move. (It's difficult for us sometimes to know when to make the move - we sometimes appreciate more forwardness from the ladies).

    By Blogger culfy, at 5/19/2005 12:58:00 PM


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