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Interstellar Adventure
Adventure: the pursuit of life — Daniel Roy Wiarda

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So this is what it's like to be relaxed...

Thursday, May 26, 2005

I don't remember when or why it happened. I don't think I was always this way. But, at some point in time I turned into a giant stress-ball. The littlest thing could set me off in tears or anger and would ruin my entire day. How did I get to that point? D always thought of me as a control-freak, and I guess I would stress out over things that I couldn't control. I think part of that tendency was out of a desire for order in my life that wasn't there, and the other part was out of necessity, because D was so out of control for the longest time. But now, like I said last week, I'm smiling. Even though I can't control certain things about this situation I'm in, I can control how I react to it and how I proceed with my life. I'm more relaxed. I'm enjoying myself. I'm able to think about what I want to do and not worry if someone else is going to approve. I don't need anyone else's approval! Even though I'm angry, I am able to look at where I am now and wonder if it's not for the best. For both of us. I was absolutely denying myself the care and attention I deserve, and at some level I knew it. But was I too afraid to take the step that he did? I don't like the way he did it for sure, but maybe, after it's all said and done, I owe him a genuine 'thank-you'.

5/26/2005 09:48:00 AM :: ::
5 Comments:
  • Sounds like you are a new woman. You go girl!!

    By Blogger MommaK, at 5/26/2005 11:11:00 AM

     


  • You know what, neighbor? You're doing a heckuva lot better than you think you are. :)

    By Blogger FTS, at 5/26/2005 10:43:00 PM

     


  • I can understand the stress ball thing, i'm one too over the littlest of things, must be an age thing as well maybe and we have our own inner conflicts, or that peer thing when you think we should've achieved this and that by a certain age. Oh well balls to that! thet's my devil side speaking...

    You seem to be positive like MommaK says-go Girl!!!

    Oh and ike the pic very glam!!!

    By Blogger The Wisdom of Wislon, at 5/27/2005 02:59:00 AM

     


  • Me again....

    I like the fact that you realise you don't need to seek approval. I worry too much about what other people think of me and probably most of the time it hasn't even entered their heads wht i'm worrying about. The end of the day the worrier ends up with the grey hairs far quicker ;-)

    This blogging lark is quite therapeutic isn't it!

    By Blogger The Wisdom of Wislon, at 5/27/2005 03:20:00 AM

     


  • I like the new picture. Thanks for the fashion advice yesterday. I'm adding you to my blogroll:-)

    By Blogger MommaK, at 5/27/2005 05:48:00 AM

     


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