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Adventure: the pursuit of life — Daniel Roy Wiarda

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I have great ovaries!

Thursday, June 15, 2006

I started this post earlier, then deleted it, and now I'm writing it again. The sono tech at my OB/Gyn office this morning told me I have great ovaries. Now that's not a compliment you hear every day! If you wanted to get pregnant, you wouldn't have any problems! she chirped. I just laughed nervously as I lay there on the half-table, feet in stirrups, with a thin "blanket" over my lap for privacy. It would be a miracle. I replied. I had a tubal three years ago. That's when I thought I didn't want any more children. One boy + one girl + job + tight finances = we're done. See, I'm fertile like the Nile delta. I've often joked that if a guy even looked at me and thought about having relations, I'm sure I'd get knocked up. Both Zed and Elle were the result of a missed pill on the wrong day. I had both my kids before the age of 24. My mom had four before she was 30. With childcare prices what they are, it seemed to make sense to not have any more surprises. I never imagined I'd get divorced. And, when I did, I figured that I wouldn't marry for some time. And if I did, he'd probably have kids too and we'd be just like the Brady Bunch. See, when you try to predict life, it throws you some curve balls. I've now met and married a wonderful man that I love to the ends of the Earth. And I'm sad that I will never feel his baby growing inside me. I'm sad that we'll never get to experience the joy of seeing our child come into this world. I'm sad that while we can share everything else in this world, there is that one thing that we will never share together. Elle loves him to pieces, and Zed thinks he's cool. Despite his protesting and facade, Nick is a great step-dad. He comforts, corrects, plays, cares for and loves my children. But a baby of our own is out of the picture. On one hand, I think that this is just an emotion that will eventually go away. Zed is 11, Elle will be 8 soon. Nick and I are talking and planning for the future. Where we'd like to go and what we'd like to do when the kids are grown up. Elle has, of course, insisted that she's going to live with us forever. It doesn't make sense for us to 'start over' again. My mom spent 30 years with kids in the house. She's now all alone and doesn't know what to do with herself. Kids were her life for the last 32 years. I don't want that to be me. On the other hand, I've been struggling with this for some time. On some days I think I'm done with it. On other days, the emotion is so overwhelming it brings me to tears. A girlfriend of mine is expecting, and when she told us, while I was happy for her, I felt a jealous twitch in my heart, and I cried. When I see babies, I want to pick them up and squish them and kiss them. I dream about them. But I don't think it's meant to be.

6/15/2006 03:16:00 PM :: ::
22 Comments:
  • Tubal Ligations are reversible....
    But a new baby would be starting all over again. Try making a pro and con list and see where you end up. In the end, I think it's a gut decision. You have to follow what feels right for you.
    aww ((hugs))

    By Blogger KaraMia, at 6/15/2006 05:26:00 PM

     


  • Sweetie, that's hard. I would like to get pregnant but who knows if I'll be able to at my age.

    I say if you can't take every advantage you can of not having to start over. Enjoy it to the hilt.

    By Blogger Raehan, at 6/15/2006 06:40:00 PM

     


  • Sit with it for a bit and see how you feel... if you really want to parent another child you can look into a reversal or adoption... if, in a couple of months, you can't imagine yourself back in the world of strollers and diapers and baby bottles, buy a puppy ;-)

    By Blogger Kristin, at 6/15/2006 07:17:00 PM

     


  • I don't think it matters how many kids you have, or what your situation is, you get that stab in the heart from time to time when you know you won't be having more.

    I'm so happy with mine, and I'm so happy to finally be done with diapers and nighttime feedings, etc. I have no plans to have any more. But, now that I've been put on medications that I can't get pregnant while taking, it still hurts to think that I can't have more kids. Even though I KNOW I have no plans to have any.

    Sending hugs and positive thoughts.

    By Blogger Jen, at 6/15/2006 09:33:00 PM

     


  • Thinking of you

    Wouldn't have a clue how you're feeling, if there's a chance of Tubal reversal (I've never heard of that term) maybe you can have some options.

    By the way stirups and cold metal things, oohh shiver, shiver at the thought, the things us women have to go through to keep things tickety boo.

    By Blogger The Wisdom of Wislon, at 6/16/2006 03:08:00 AM

     


  • At our age there's a lot of bb talk going on all around as friends and colleagues seem to be producing by the bundle which is bound to play on the mind and heart.
    Big hugs

    By Blogger The Wisdom of Wislon, at 6/16/2006 03:22:00 AM

     


  • Awww. I hear so many women struggling with this issue. Things will happen just the way they're supposed to. :)

    By Blogger Suburban Turmoil, at 6/16/2006 07:47:00 AM

     


  • I'm sure the answer will come to you. I just had this conversation with "someone" last night. We are in similar situations. But I've never had kids and fast approaching 40. My mom was 45 when she had me. And the thought of that is frightening! Tubals are somewhat easy to reverse aren't they??

    By Blogger Carnealian, at 6/16/2006 08:36:00 AM

     


  • I'm sorry! The tubal can be reversed if you so desired. Maybe the emotions will pass, like you say.

    I had a Tubal about... ohhhh.... going on 11-1/2 years now. My youngest will be 12 in November and I can't even imagine starting all over again. My sister has a 3 year old... the next oldest is 14! It's been really hard for them starting all over.

    By Blogger Texas_Ivy10, at 6/16/2006 08:42:00 AM

     


  • Its a tough one to call, but if the tubal is reversible, you've still got the choice.

    I'm desperate for a baby. Tom wants to wait a few years, but I worry that i cant have them if my endometriosis comes back

    By Blogger serendipity, at 6/16/2006 09:19:00 AM

     


  • You could reverse it.... I had one when I had the twins. They also told us the chances of getting pregnant w. multiples again was around 70%. YIKES! lately, I wonder if I would like another kid. Then I realize that it would just not work out.

    HUGS! It will all work out the way it is supposed too.

    By Anonymous Nancy, at 6/16/2006 09:59:00 AM

     


  • You don't have to be done...not if it's in you to do this. No need to feel a sorrow you don't have to. My kids are a little older(the chairman is 10), and BH is 42, so we are ready to turn that corner. Don't be so quick if you feel there is another family member waiting to come. Think of the generations of joy that could come from another little one. More cousins for Zed and Elle's kids. It's your family. Choose the extraordinary. Whatever that is for you. Baby...puppy whatever.

    By Blogger Dorothy, at 6/16/2006 11:59:00 AM

     


  • I occasionally wonder what it would be like to have a child. I'm 36, and on depo, so thankfully, there won't be any surprises for me. I just keep thinking that at my age, and with the fact that I'm just managing to live my 'dream' right now without kids, that life would change too much for me.

    My boyfriend, on the other hand, is 'interested' in the option of having kid(s) in the future. But, who knows. I don't take the decision lightly at all.

    Good luck with your choices. Tubal ligation is reversable, although more difficult than the man's reversal with less than spectacular outcomes. There's options though... If you want to go that route!

    By Anonymous netchick, at 6/16/2006 02:23:00 PM

     


  • Hey, nice ovaries!

    I think it's kind of typical for mothers to reconsider and sometimes regret the "no mores", especially in your case with a new husband and everything. But you've got a bright future either way!

    In our case, we got the husband fixed, so ... theoretically ... NO! I'm too old for that stuff!

    By Anonymous abbynormal, at 6/16/2006 02:40:00 PM

     


  • Oh, I'm so sad you have these mixed emotions. No one can predict life. I was almost opposite of you. When Brian and I started getting serious I desperately wanted a baby, even though we both have our own. I wanted to have our baby. After awhile I came to terms with the fact that it probably wasn't a good idea. About that time I got pregnant. It's hard to deal with the baby pangs, but I think they come and go. It's part of being a woman.

    By Blogger Jolynn, at 6/16/2006 05:18:00 PM

     


  • I've heard they can possibly be untied; it depends on what kind you had to begin with. And can't they do in vitro or something?
    I've been married 4 times, but had 1 kid each with the first two. I've been through what you're feeling and then the emotion passed. Well it comes and goes, I think, until a certain age.
    I would make a list of the pros and cons if I was you and really think it through.

    By Blogger annie, at 6/16/2006 09:31:00 PM

     


  • Some unsolicited advice here: Get a puppy ;) Seriously, it does do a number on your head. I got my tubal after my divorce and went into menopause shortly thereafter. How's that for irony!

    By Blogger poopie, at 6/17/2006 05:13:00 PM

     


  • I can definitely understand the tugging... I was 38 when I had my son and would love another. But it doesn't look like it will be happening.

    What are Nick's thoughts on this? It sounds like he's a super-duper stepdad. Happy Father's Day to him!!!

    & Hugs to you, Lass

    By Blogger Marie, at 6/18/2006 01:36:00 PM

     


  • Wow, that's a hard one to deal with. It's a highly emotional issue too. I would get the same urge for more kids from time to time, but we couldn't have any more. I always had wanted a bigger family.

    Now that I'm 44, I still find that I just have to "look" at babies and want another one, very strongly. But then I think of having to go through the elementary school years all over again, with the fund raisers and homework and endless school lunches, and i'm cured. for myself,I'm just not in the mood for repeating all that. The future looks good, and I'd like to keep my freedom.
    But, that is just me! LOL.
    For you and Nick, good luck in whatever you decide. It sounds like you have a great marriage and that you're totally in sync with each other. Now that your kids are older, you know exactly what you would be getting into with another baby.
    I kind of like the puppy idea too, LOL! (again, that's just me).
    Best of luck in this decision!

    By Anonymous Laura, at 6/19/2006 07:55:00 AM

     


  • Good Luck with your decision. I can't really give any advice, because I haven't come to those crossroads yet. Whatever you come up with will be the right descision, because it's your decision.

    By Blogger R. Robyn, at 6/19/2006 08:29:00 AM

     


  • Lass-
    Being adopted myself, I will say that I was blessed because it gave me my Mom and Dad. This is a long story and I won't go into it here. If you're curious about where I'm coming from email me.
    My mom used to tell my twin sister and I this: "You kids are special because you weren't born under my heart like most kids...you were born in it."
    I think the comment applies more to Nick and I hope you can understand how it's intended. I experienced true love from two people I had no biological connection to. When it's right, love just happens.
    I do hope this cloud blows away for you and Nick soon.
    Good luck and hang in there.

    ~michael

    By Anonymous michaelm, at 6/19/2006 07:25:00 PM

     


  • That is a hard place to be in. I wanted to have kids early on and be done when I was still young enough to enjoy it. But that didn't work out and I'm still changing diapers as I approach 40. On the other hand, I didn't have the tubal with my last delivery, as tempting as it was, because I was afraid I'd have that same reaction: now that I can't have more, I want to. I wish you luck in sorting out your feelings, but if you do decide to stick with 2 and live it up when they're gone, send me a postcard. I'll still be chasing kids.

    By Blogger Scone, at 6/30/2006 10:49:00 PM

     


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